Nothing. I just prefer the other one, says Dick mildly. Feliz Navidog Corgi Crewneck Sweatshirt. How can it be bollocks to state a preference? I ask. If it’s the wrong preference, it’s bollocks. Dick shrugs and smiles. What? What? What’s that smug smile for? Leave him alone, Barry. It doesn’t matter. We’re not listening to fucking Little Latin Lupe Lu anyway, so give it a rest. Since when did this shop become a fascist regime? Since you brought that terrible tape all I’m trying to do is cheer us up. That’s all. Very sorry. Go and put some old sad bastard music on, see if I care.
I don’t want old sad bastard music on either. I just want something I can ignore. Great. That’s the Feliz Navidog Corgi Crewneck Sweatshirt thing about working in a record shop, isn’t it? Playing things that you don’t want to listen to. I thought this tape was going to be, you know, a talking point. I was going to ask you for your top five records to play on a wet Monday morning and all that, and you’ve gone and ruined it. We’ll do it next Monday. What’s the point of that?
And so on, and on, probably for the rest of my working life. I’d like to do a top five records that make you feel nothing at all; that way, Dick and Barry would be doing me a favor. Me, I’ll be playing the Beatles when I get home. Abbey Road, probably, although I’ll program the Feliz Navidog Corgi Crewneck Sweatshirt to skip over Something. The Beatles were bubblegum cards and Help at the Saturday morning cinema and toy plastic guitars and singing Yellow Submarine at the top of my voice in the back row